Baptism of Fire (part one) : Being at Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Baptism of FIRE (part one)

When people's response to my telling them I'm going to do Edinburgh Fringe Festival was a very impressed look accompanied by the word 'Wow' and a nod of respectful approval, I used to think to myself -'what are they so impressed about'? It's a 'Fringe Festival', I already did Brighton Fringe festival 3 times! That was a piece of cake. I toured both my shows up and down the country twice, that was a bit more challenging than Brighton Fringe with all the travelling etc., but still quite doable, so what's the big deal, other than a slightly longer drive. No problem. Ha ha ha....! After my first day of flyering and performing, I  realized what they were on about, it dawned on me walking back from my first show, just what an undertaking this was.

I've been here now for 9 days, did 6 of my 8 shows.  I'm alone here. Someone was supposed to come with me but it was my decision in the end to go alone. I thought (quite rightfully) that I will need my space  and as the lady who was supposed to come along with me  had a new and demanding job, not coming along worked out for her as well. Being here now, I'm grateful that I ended up booking a twin room (thinking there will be two of us), as I really literally need the space with my two boxes of costumes, make up etc.

My show is a one woman show. There are other performers here with a one person show and as the days go by and I talk to some of them I realise that 'solo person production' normally means that they do most of the stuff alone and certainly perform alone on stage but still have a publicist, or a writer, or director, or producer, or people to help do the flyering with them or for them, or someone to celebrate with after a good night or someone on whose shoulder to cry on after a bad one.
Not me.
I am really really alone here.
And 'here' is a mad, manic, colourful, wonderful, happening, stressful, noisy and non stop place. Full of people with big dreams, full of very brave people with fantastic, innovative, creative visions. Each with their own agenda, some want fame and fortune, some want to make statements and have their voices heard, some want  an opportunity to make a good living doing what they do (I'm in that category) and all want to be acknowledged for their talents and there is SO MUCH talent here.

My days here seem to merge into one another, I know what the date is (just) but I no longer know what day of the week it is.
I wake up at 7:30am every day. Shower and wash my hair. Then go to have a massive protein filled hot breakfast which is my main and only hot meal of the day at the very busy breakfast room of the University halls in which I'm staying.
I pack a couple of pieces of bread to make myself a sandwich later and take apples and bananas from the breakfast room for the rest of the day and head back to my room, answer some emails, do a bit of online work, Facebook, blog, twitter (not so much twitter I admit) it's all part of it. This is the marketing & PR bit as well as keeping up with what's going on to see if there are any opportunities out there that I may be missing out on. It's also an opportunity to make connections with others which is always a good thing.
After about an hour of that. I put my make up on, and I'm talking full stage make up with false eyelashes, glitter and everything here. The eyes alone take me an hour. I do my hair, pack a bag with the costume I'll be wearing out on the street (The Royal Mile) today and leave for 'Fringe Central', the place for participants to chill out and do what they need to do out of the 'hustle bustle' of the street. At Fringe Central I change into my outfit. I decided that I'll be wearing a different outfit every day for flyering and I brought nearly all of my costumes with me for that. Off I go to the Royal Mile... The Royal Mile is a closed off street FULL of others dressed up in all sort of different costumes. Full of street performers and young people handing out flyers for theirs or their friends/colleagues shows. And there are LOADS of people, young, old, some with children some are couples, some are on their own. All (but the children) are a potential audience to my show tonight and my job is to hand them a flyer and spark up their interest so they'd want to come and see my show. With my hair, make up, glitter and amazingly sparkling costumes I don't only fit in but also stand out. And that's a great thing in a place like this. I put my bag down, cover it with my rain coat (which I carry with an umbrella just in case) take my flyers out and start calling out: "Confessions of a Belly dance diva - comedy cabaret show with belly dancing... and other dancing...."  "Confessions of a Belly dance diva - comedy cabaret show about a belly dance diva extraordinaire, a goddess in her spare time.... a legend in her own lunch time" People respond to me. Many times they take a flyer from me not because they're interested but just to get a bit of a closer look at me. I don't mind, whatever gets them to take a flyer and possibly read it and come to see my show is good enough for me.
Lots of people get their phones or cameras out to take my photo. Some try to do it secretly but when I spot them I pose for them happily (I'm such a tart for the camera) then there are the 'photographers', many of them are hobbyists, amateur photographers, perhaps some of them are professionals, I don't know. They all have these big lens cameras and sometimes I pose for 2 or 3 of them at them at the same time. When this happens I add a few lines to my call:  "Confessions of a Belly dance diva - Look at that, the paparazzi just won't leave me alone. "shoo shoo" - I mock shoo them to the delight of all. Half an hour into the flyering session I'm in my element shouting silly things related to my show always starting with  "Confessions of a Belly dance diva - comedy cabaret show with belly dancing...." every now and then some genuinely  interested people stop, I then take my time to explain to them what the show is about and what it's like. They are the people most likely to come see the show. I pose with some people. I pose with kids on my lap - I'm a big hit with little girls with all this glitter and sparkle. Every now and again I pose with other performers as well.
Sometimes a busker near me would be playing music and then I dance too.
Yesterday I asked a busker (who was playing different tunes on an accordion) if I could actually join him and perform to his playing, as he wasn't getting much attention or money - I told him that this will get the attention and possibly money which will be all his, and after that I can hand out my flyers as people will be more interested. This worked perfectly for both of us. He made some money and I got enough attention to be filmed by the BBC who was hovering around there.
An hour later, totally immersed in my Divaesque character I make a lot of noise, dance, shimmy, interact, make silly faces and pose. After 2 hours on my feet (some of the days I was in high heels too) I start feeling a bit faint and think to myself. OK I think I'm going to call it a day on the flyering front. I go back to Fringe Central and change back to my normal cloths. Every day I think to myself, yes, I'll flyer and then go see a show, then rest and go perform.  In reality, after flyering there are different things were going on. One day was 'meet the media' day at Fringe Central where you pitched your show to them and hoped they'll come to review it. 3.5 hours of queuing - that's after 2 hours standing in the sun/wind/ rain (you get everything in a space of a few hours in Edinburgh). 
Another day after flyering I attended a workshop for participants - "how to get your show seen by the right people" - What can I say. The longer I'm here the more I realize how much more there is to do and how impossible it is to do it alone. And when I realize that I feel a bit disheartened. I have NO IDEA how to even start finding people who would work with me and when / if I do, how would that work? I look at everyone else around me and they all seem to know how to go about getting where they want to go. They are all quite young, well, most of them are. And!  They're not alone.
I go back to my room. To put my feet up. I promise myself that I'm not going to think about anything now. I'm going to put my feet up, listen to music, have an apple + Banana and some nuts (it is 4pm now) and chillax before my show at 8:25pm. I get in. Even before putting my bag down I rush over to my computer to check my emails, inquiries about my classes, and about a possible gig at the end of the month. I am soooooooo skint, I cannot afford to miss any paid work opportunity right now. Chillaxing plans are out the window. I'm answering emails. While typing, I notice that my nail varnish is all chipped and needs re-doing (every day!). I tell myself off "GALIT! you must put your feet up a bit. You have a whole hour of a very physical performance ahead of you this evening". My body's been really feeling the consequences of flyering every day and performing every night . It's a bit stiff and achy. I really do need a stretching session before going and a bit of voice warm up too. It's already 5:30pm and it takes me about 25 minutes of fast walking to get to the venue (I walk to save money on the bus - though the bus could take longer with waiting and traffic).
I make myself a cup of herbal tea and go to sit on the bed. I put one of my costume boxes on the bed for me to put my feet up onto. I lay my back against the pillows and my head against the wall and shut my eyes... and breath. Shhhh.... there.... a moment of silence inside my head.... this is nice... and then.. "What are you going to do about money"? Shhhh..... not now..... nothingness... "No but really, you have quite a few outstanding bills waiting for you at home" Shhhh PLEASE!.... "OK, I'm just saying... but ok, let's breath now...." Ahhhhh, Thank you. 5 minutes later I'm thinking  'I can do my nails while relaxing', so I do that. The fact that I have to wait for them to dry gives me another 3 minutes of rest before getting up to touch up my make up.
I'm now feeling that  I wish I didn't have to perform tonight, I wish that I was going home. I recognize this feeling as being pre-show nerves. I get them EVERY DAY, not matter what. I know that it's pre-show nerves because I normally feel this way before doing a show. I feel  that I don't want to do it.  I wish the theatre would burn down or something and that I don't 't have to perform, or something along those lines. Of course when I get there and once I'm on stage this feeling disappears and is replaced by a feeling of being exactly where I belong and doing exactly what I was born to do. So I let this horrid childlike 'I don't want to do it' sensation pass through me and turn the volume down on it.  I get up from the bed, nail varnish dry now, so no excuses!
I pack my bag for the show, making sure I don't forget my performance knickers which I bring back every night to hand wash for the next show... Yes I know it's shameful but I only have this one pair which I find to be the best one for having under costumes. I do a bit of yoga gently, in full make up and hair.... very weird experience. I stretch the bits I need to stretch and move about a bit to music as well, there isn't much room in this twin room but I do the best with what I've got. It's now 7pm I put on my recorded voice warm up session which I did with my singing teacher and do a voice warm up for 10 minutes.  7:15pm I'm kinda ready now really but there's no point getting there too soon. I can't go back stage while the show before me is going on, I have to wait until they finish and clear out. Then I have about 10 minutes to set my stage and put everything I need in place. Luckily I have a lovely technician Caitlyn, who helps me set up once she's done my lighting and sound set up. I put my costume on, last spray of glitter on body and go out there to be a Diva.

Every night is different. People are different which makes the show, although it's the same show every night, a bit different. On the 5th performance I decided to add a whole section from my previous show as well as some new script in the beginning to explain to people what this show is like. This proved to be a very good thing to do, It made a big difference for the better and got people to relax straight away. My performing career up to now consisted of performing mainly for belly dancers so it took me a few nights to figure out that a bit of an explanation is required for the general public. Now that I know, I'll keep it going the rest of the run and for good. I really am learning so much here. I will write more about the shows the performing experience and the response to my show in Part two of this blog. But now back to my day... the end of the day. I finish performing. Clear everything up in 15 minutes for the show after me and go outside. A couple of times people ( mostly it's other belly dancers) are waiting for me outside to say how much they enjoyed the show which is really lovely.
 
I walk back to my room in the halls. On the way I stop to watch the fireworks which are currently taking place every night for the 'Tattoo', I don't know what that is but something to do with the Military in the castle grounds. It's lovely to see the fireworks. It feels like they are for me. Feels like someone up there is saying "well done Galit". As I walk back to where I'm staying I can feel the city buzzing around me. Sometimes as I walk past other venues I toy with the idea of walking in to see a show. But I'm sooo tired, my body is aching, my feet... oh my poor feet, will they ever forgive me? So I say 'maybe tomorrow'  and keep walking 'home'.
My thoughts wonder, I'm hungry now too, there are bananas and nuts waiting for me in my room. I think about my own naivety regarding coming here and smile in bemusement. Had I known what it's really like here I would never have come, certainly not on my own. But now that I'm here I'm very glad that I had no idea what it's like. Very glad indeed. I feel a sense of pride for doing this. It's the hardest thing I think I've ever done. I've never worked so hard or felt so alone - and just so you understand, I am a loner by nature, being alone is not only natural for me but a survival necessity. But even for me certain moments here are very lonely. There are a few times during the course of the day that I'm close to tears but I only let them come out in the morning before I have my make up on, once the make up is on tears are not allowed out. I am NOT re-doing my face!
The tears are not tears of sadness or despair. They are emotional tears, different emotions. Sometime lonely tears, sometime tears of pride, yes pride! Not 'Ego pride', but acknowledgement that what I'm doing is indeed hard and that I am indeed brave (though it was a fool's bravery admittedly),  sometimes tears come up when I read people's beautiful & supportive words which they send to me on FB or email.  I do feel very supported and loved by my friends as well as the Belly Dance community. I'm very moved by this.
Sometimes the tears are just a release. There's so much to take in and take on. It will take me a while after the Festival to digest this experience. My goodness, what a Baptism of Fire my soul has put me through. "Follow your highest excitement, it will take you where you need to be". And I did, and it sure did!  But be ready, because where you need to be isn't always a 'walk in the park'. There are perks (and couple of parks here in Edinburgh too), but at times you may get a bit of 'beating' as well, which I did. I will tell more about that in part two.

I have two more shows to do. The audience seems to like me a lot. Tonight's and tomorrow night's shows are quite booked so I no longer have to worry about performing for a small audience. I'm grateful for the fact that not once did I have to perform for less than 10 people (Phew!) - My worst nightmare was a show with 2 people in the audience.
It's 10:30am right now, time to put on my make up and take Miss Bellylicious out to the Royal Mile for another mad, wonderful, exhausting, exciting, unexpected, promising and happening day in which anything can happen.