It's Christmas time.
I'm busy.
It's the first time in many years that I've been this busy during the Xmas period. I'm dancing in London again, well it's no wonder really, it's not like suddenly there are loads of private bookings, there haven't been that many for some years, but I kind of created this for myself.
This year I'm performing at the restaurant I performed in 12 years ago when I first started dancing bellydance cabaret only this time I'm doing something quite different. I'm doing my 'thing' (or should I say my 'thang') I dance, I talk, I make people laugh and every now and again I also sing with my 'abysmal' voice (see previous blog) ... I might as well as I need the practice ;-) .
Performing in a restaurant is not quite what I thought I'd be doing after Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I came back from Edinburgh feeling a bit deflated. Edinburgh was an amazing yet deconstructing experience. It made me re-think everything I am, everything I do and how I do it.
For a couple of months (at least) after Edinburgh I was walking around like a zombie not knowing where to go from here, thinking that everything I did was worthless and that I should just 'close shop' and get a 'real job'. Don't worry, I don't feel this way anymore.
I thought that if I were to continue doing what I'm doing, I had to become more professional, my script needed to be more tight, my stage lights better designed, maybe I needed a proper set, more technicians and a director. Possibly also a co-wrtier. In addition I realised that I really needed a proper marketing person who knows their stuff to spend the right amount of time required to get bums on seats. Yes, all that I thought will be the way forward for me. In short, I'd need a whole 'machine' of people who knew their stuff to work with me so that I can do what I do best. Perform and entertain.
Where I would get the money for all these professionals, I had no idea. Funding is one option (which I recently applied for though not for everything mentioned above, but fingers crossed), but even with funding I'd still need to find the right people to do each thing and then (which is the hardest part) let them get on with it (i.e. let go of control, aaaaaaah the horror!). And then - yes there are more cons - have to wait for the whole process to happen, depending on other people's time frame etc. Nightmare!
My mind was exploding with new creative ideas for the next show but lack of funds and lack of seeing how I'm going to do anything about it paralysed me.
I was wondering whether I should give up the dancing and concentrate on developing myself as a comedian, go on the 'circuit' and start form scratch. That thought didn't make me very happy at all, and to be perfectly honest, when I tried to imagine my life without dancing it kinda seemed not worth living (if you'll forgive the slightly OTT dramatic effect of these words...). So at least one thing was clear to me. I needed to dance to be happy. But I also loved talking to people, connecting with them making them laugh, in short I enjoyed the whole being an entertainer thing. But how to do that and make a living? Who to perform for and how to get to them to come see me? That was still a mystery to me. As lovely and supportive as the belly dance community is, it appeared to be unable to sustain me (A whole new blog maybe one day about this one).
Thinking about my next show, I found myself going round and round in circles with my enthusiasm decreasing as I realised that I feel quite caged by what expectations I imagined people would have of me when coming to see my next show.
I was confused. I was down, quite lost and still kind of paralysed.
And then I went to see a very unusual gig.
My friends Gillian & Keith told me about this guy called John Otway. They compared me to him "in a way" they said. He sings and plays guitar. He does some cover songs, some original songs, but it's how he talks to the audience between songs and what he does on stage that made him the act that he was - funny, outrageous and just plain entertaining. He had a following of people who've been going to see his gigs for years (he's 60 years old now and still going).
Gillian and Keith had a hard time describing exactly what it was that he did and said that he must be seen. They promised to take me along the next time he performs in the area. And so they did.
The gig took place at a small village hall in Sussex, it was in the middle of nowhere, a part of an art festival which took place in the area. We walked into a room (hall) with one of the tiniest stage I'd ever seen which had a painted wall as a back drop with a painting of a farm, the kind you'd see in a children's book (complete with geese and everything). There were about 4 different guitars laid against the painted wall, lots of wires and gadgets on the floor and a mic. Tables and chairs were set up in cabaret style with about a 100/150 people seated around them, chatting away having a drink and waiting for the show to start. The atmosphere was very relaxed and casual. At the back next to the the bar, there was a small table with various CDs and DVDs for sale. John Otway himself was sitting around one of the tables at the back having a drink and chatting to everyone there. Keith and Gillian went over to say hello to him and introduced me as if he were a mate of theirs and he acted as one in return. It was wonderful. When the time came he casually walked onto the stage and started. I can't remember now how he started and all that he said but it was very clear to me that there was no script. Yes, there were bits that he obviously repeated many time throughout the years which you could call 'scripted' but he was just talking to everyone, his words were organically leading to each number he performed, some of those songs were hilarious! He did a priceless version of 'I Will Survive' in Bob Dylan style (Here's a youtube clip, it was much funnier live though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0BcBajJioY&list=UUtCvMA8occvf6hrOHYreKMw&index=5).
Otway jumped and ran up and down that mini stage, he sang, he played his guitars (one guitar was a double sided guitar specially designed and made for him), he did a kind of flip flop (a man of 60!!) on this tiny crammed up stage (quite dangerous that was) tore all his shirt buttons open 'rock star' style, told us about his father and his childhood (the painful stuff too!) banged the mic on his head and spooked us all with a little baby doll's turning head. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, a bit gob smacked, laughing my head off, totally delighted and inspired to tears!
This man had no 'tight script', no lighting designer, no set. He hardly had a stage. He wasnt' an amazing musician and he didn't claim to be one, as a matter of fact he made a point of saying that he knew that he wasn't (I'm a much better dancer than he is a musician btw, just to be clear on that ;-) ). But he had a good sound system and sound technician and his lyrics were ace, very clever, touching and funny. This man brought his whole self onto the stage and gave himself totally and utterly to his audience and they LOVED him for it.
'This', I thought to myself, 'is how I'd like to perform'.
I came home that night 'knowing' a few things:
1. I want to keep performing in what ever way is available to me
2. I don't care who my audience will be i.e. belly dancers or general public or both, as long as I have an audience
3. I'm no longer going to be as fussy about where I perform as I had been.
4. I will keep doing what I'm doing well into my 60s just like Mr. Otway (and many others)
A couple of months down the line and I am performing at Gem Restaurant downstairs. 'Meal & Entertainment' is what we're calling it, Bellydance & Comedy with Miss Bellylicious.
There is a small stage area, a good sound system for my music and my mic. I have a collection of CDs with different tracks (including Xmas tracks, and yes also backing tracks for my 'appalling singing').
Every evening before I come on, I suss out the audience to decide what my opening number will be. Everything that comes after that is as much a surprise to me as it is to everyone else.
The PA is on the stage area and I'm the one working it sorting out the sound as I go (which is about the only thing about this performance to satisfy the 'control freak' in me). I don't know what I'm going to say each night. Yes, I have some 'scripted' material which I use, but mostly I see what comes up and according to what's happening in the room, I choose the appropriate number to do next.
This way of performing is very different to what I'm used to. It goes against every fibre of my being a control freak (which I totally am) but I love it and it appears that the audience loves it too.
My audience is mostly the general public of all ages. Xmas parties, birthday parties, no 'parties' - just diners. It's different every night.
After the first couple of times I learned that I cannot do the show in parts (as I planned to) because once I leave the room the atmosphere changes and it doesn't change back. So I now start a bit later and perform for about an hour straight, at the end I get people up to dance (if they're responsive, which normally they are) and leave them to it.
It makes me smile thinking back to a couple of months ago, how from wanting to have a tighter script I ended up performing with no script at all. I love how life has it's way of putting you in the best place for you, and if you don't resist it's quite easy despite the fact that it's scary.
I love it that sometime to get to where I need to be, I go via thinking I want to be somewhere else.
I love how random actions, events, conversations and anything that happens to me in my life is showing me the way.
I love that sometimes doing the 'wrong' thing, is the right thing to do.
I'm learning to relax into life's little unexpected surprises and accept the 'blows' as nudges to move in a new direction.
When people ask me what they're going to see in my performance at Gem restaurant, I say "expect the unexpected. I do".
Information about Gem Restaurant performances here: http://galitmersand.com/parties2.html
